The Biology of Ambition: Why your envy isn't a shame — it's the scream of a self that still wants more.

Look, I’m going to be honest with you: we live in a culture that has turned self-love into a meme. Into a filtered selfie, a pretty quote on the mirror, or an "I accept myself as I am" that, in practice, is often just an excuse to stay stagnant. But I’m here to poke you: that might not be love. It might be abandonment.

True love is fighting for yourself. It’s refusing to accept less than what you know you can be. And in this fight, envy is not the villain. It’s the smoke signal. It’s your wounded self screaming: "Hey, I’m still here, and I want more."

When you feel that tightness in your chest seeing someone else get what you wanted, it’s not just "spite." It’s your brain grabbing your attention. It’s real pain. It’s biology. And if you have the courage to listen, it will show you exactly where you stopped choosing yourself.

1. That sting in your chest? It’s your brain slapping you.

You know when you see someone with the body, the job, or the life you wanted and it feels like you’ve been punched? That’s not drama. It’s science.

Your brain does not distinguish emotional pain from physical pain. According to research highlighted by Scientific American, envy activates the dorsal anterior cingulate cortex—the same region that registers a physical stab wound or a burn.

The difference is: instead of reacting, you blame yourself. "Oh, I shouldn’t feel this; it’s ugly." Lie. If it hurts, it’s because it still matters. If you feel envy, it’s because there is still fire inside you. The problem isn’t the feeling; it’s pretending you don’t feel it and letting time pass until the wound turns into a scar of bitterness. To love yourself is to respect this pain and understand it’s a warning: "You are better than this. Get up."

2. Envy is a GPS: It shows you what you abandoned in yourself.

You don’t envy just anyone. You don’t envy a grandmaster if you’ve never wanted to touch a chessboard. You envy the friend who wrote the book you always said you’d write "someday." You envy the colleague who changed their habits—not because you want to be them, but because you know you could have taken care of yourself too.

Every sting of envy is an "X" on the map: "This is where you stopped choosing yourself." Look at it. Cry if you need to. But don’t look sideways—look inward. The question isn't "Why them?" but "What am I avoiding facing?"

3. Rooting for others to fall doesn't lift you up. It only makes you smaller.

Some people think self-love is seeing others fail and feeling relief. "At least it’s not just me." That isn’t love; it’s hunger. It’s you being so starved for victory that you settle for the crumbs of someone else’s failure.

Science calls finding pleasure in the misfortune of others Schadenfreude, and it activates the brain’s reward system (the ventral striatum). But look: when you feel that pleasure, you didn't climb a step. You just pretended the world got flatter. Real self-love doesn’t need others to diminish for you to feel big. It wants you to grow so much that the success of others becomes mere scenery or a lesson.

4. How to flip the script: One step a day, no theater.

Reflection alone isn't enough. Envy is stagnant energy. And stagnant energy becomes poison. To turn this into real progress, follow this protocol:

• Breathe and Own It: "This hurts because I want more. And it's okay to feel this." Remove the weight of morality and replace it with the weight of biology.

• Dismantle the Myth: The person you envy isn’t perfect. They’ve simply solved problems you are still running away from. Study what they do. What are their habits at 6 AM? How do they handle rejection?

• Move for 15 Minutes: Every time you feel envy, do something—anything—that brings you closer to your goal. Now. Not "later." Fifteen minutes of action breaks inertia and signals to your brain that you have retaken command.

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From friend to friend:

If you still feel envy, congratulations. It means you haven't given up. But if you only feel it and don't act, then you are using "self-love" as an excuse to stay small.

To love yourself is to treat yourself as someone you are responsible for. And we don't let those we love stay stagnant. The next time that sting hits, don’t hide. Say thank you. It’s the sign that you still have much to conquer—and you’re still alive to do it.

What is the first 15-minute action you will take today to respond to this pain? Tell me what it is, and let's turn this discomfort into authority.

Scientific Source: Envy Related to Physical Pain - Scientific American Podcast. This study demonstrates that "soul pain" is processed similarly to tissue injury.