The End of Enmity: How I Avoid Fighting Ghosts

Nurturing an enmity is hard work. It is a drain on energy and time that we spend without even realizing it. I used to believe that having adversaries was proof of having a strong personality. Today, I see it was just my ego looking for a stage to shine on.

I realized I didn't need to defeat anyone. True victory isn't winning the fight; it’s making the dynamic of enmity no longer make sense.

Here is how I’ve been trying to change this game:

1. The problem isn't what is said; it’s where it hurts

In the past, if I felt enmity in the air, I would strike back instantly. Today, I try to look at my own "wound." If someone’s comment set me off, the problem isn't just their mouth; it’s my sore spot.

Instead of wasting all my energy trying to silence the other person, I try to understand why I am still so sensitive to external noise. When the wound heals, the provocation loses its target.

2. We are all humans having a bad day

We spend a vast amount of time judging who is "toxic" or "backward." But the truth is, people have the right to have bad days, to be confused, annoying, or even aggressive. And so do I.

I also make mistakes, I also lose my patience, and I also have my moments of "amnesia" where I forget my essence. Recognizing that I inhabit the same territory of imperfection as the other person changes everything. I am not above anyone; we are all in the same laboratory, trying to learn how to be human. When I accept my own shadow, the shadow of others stops scaring me so much.3. Changing the subject, not the status

You know that idea of "winning at life and leaving everyone behind"? That still sounds like a competition. What I seek today is focus, not superiority.

My life and my projects have become too interesting for me to spend time in the court of judgment. I haven't expelled anyone from my life, nor have I "leveled up." I just changed the subject. Enmity disappears when you stop giving it the leading role in your script.

4. Boundaries without the noise (and without locked doors)

You don’t need a megaphone to say that someone is no longer part of your inner circle. Sometimes, we just need silence and distance to breathe.

But I understand that this distance doesn’t have to be a final sentence. People change, and so do I. What is an enmity today can, tomorrow, transform into a new kind of coexistence. Setting a boundary now is simply saying: "At this moment, our paths do not cross in a healthy way." If in the future the conditions are different and we are both in different places, levels of friendship can return on new grounds. I leave the door ajar, but I keep my house at peace.