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Do not judge. We shouldn’t compare pain…

Updated: Jul 4, 2019

Comparing a material object is easy: we can define references, characteristics, and measures in an accurate way. But when the object we are comparing is abstract, it gets complicated.


How can we compare abstract things with precision? Let’s analyze physical pain as an example. As when we are in a hospital and we are asked to measure our pain in a scale from 1-5, the healthcare worker wants to know our perception of the pain we are feeling at the moment. Therefore, physical pain cannot be precisely measured for being abstract and variable according to each individual’s perception.


When it is a matter of emotion and sentiment, comparing becomes an impossible task. Every pain that is not processed, is kept in the unconscious in a ‘little box’ which we will call ‘complexes’. Each complex has a word or group of words associated to it. Let’s look at an example:


Everything related to emotions of ill-processed losses is kept in the ‘complex of loss little box’ within the unconscious. When there is a new loss, this ‘little box’ opens and inundates the conscious with emotions of past losses. And there is where the ‘exaggerated reactions’ we have come from.


The end of a relationship can be very painful even though we knew we were not happy in that relationship.

That happens because we not only suffer for the end of it, but also for the history of ‘losses’ in the ‘little boxes’ mentioned above.


If it is almost impossible to evaluate an emotional pain in ourselves, imagine evaluating someone else’s, who has complexes and perceptions different than ours?

To evaluate or compare someone else’s emotional pain is simply to project our perception of pain on him/her, creating a very misguided idea of reality. If we cannot deal with our own complexes, how can we judge others’?


That is why it is so important to avoid judging and forming destructive criticism to oneself and others, as our reactions to events are just the top of the iceberg of a ‘little box’ which has been opened with emotions that need to be processed.


To repress is not the solution as we would be creating ‘time bombs. It is rather suggested self-knowledge, so we can recognize and identify these complexes and then treat them before they ‘explode’ in unconscious excessive attitudes.


Angel with Amnesia recommends the practice and promotion of kindness in this process of treating our complexes. Because, by being kind and valuing each other, we are practicing self-love, which is so necessary in treating our innermost complexes.



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